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Shes had a couple of beers you'd better close your ears
She'll say ' I don't believe it' when a largey walks in '
She'll say ' You know what my father would have said, thats a bag tied up ugly '
She'll say ' look at the size of those thundering thighs-
those are walnut crushers if ever I've seen the like-
she should get on her bike and melt some blubber away '

She's just like nan on Catherine Tate
I can't take her anywhere
Large people beware she'll declare you a disgraceful individual

On the very next table sits the lord mayors wife weighing in at twenty seven stones
Mother yes there are hungry people on the planet I know
She says the barmaids slacker than the ace of spades
as she lights another amidst her incredulous tirade
and then a handsome man catches her eye

She's just like nan on Catherine Tate
I can't take her anywhere
She says what she thinks at the top of her voice...


from England's Dreaming Spires, released May 10, 2009


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